In the past few decades, the word gay has taken on many meanings. I intend to dispell the ambiguity bestowed upon the word and give it three much clearer meanings. For the new descriptions to have immediate resonance and long lasting memorablility, I will be basing their names on neoploitan icecream. Each flavour represents a different meaning in the Neopolitan of Gay.

Firstly, the most common use of the word, mostly by the youngsters, is to mean something is low qulaity or inferior. Generally speaking saying something is "gay" is the same as saying it "sucks." For this definition I use vanilla gay. It's the plainest of the flavours and often most favoured. An example: a mother purchases a shirt for her son that is out of style. The son would respond by saying, "No fucking way, moms. That shirt is vanilla gay!"
Next, many times when someone uses the word "gay," they are indicating that the subject is girly, or not masculine in some fashion. Often used to describe activities, this use implies an act is unappealing. This description is named "strawberry gay" because of the colour pink's association with femininity. A young man asked by his significant other to go see a romantic comedy might reply, "Naw, that shit's strawberry gay!"

The third and oft considered most literal defintion signifies a homosexual act or characteristic. Not always but often times derogatory, it has become commonly accepted as the definition in most dictionaries of the day. This homosexual type is described as the remaining flavour "chocolate gay," because of the colour brown's association with anal sex, considered by many to be a primarily homosexual act. This raises the question of lesbians, who are not considered to be anal sex enthusiasts. I propose we continue to refer to female homosexuals as lesbians, as is the common practice. For an example of "chocolate gay," a man might say, "I ain't camping with Tyler, he's way chocolate gay. What if he slips his thumb up my ass?"

We're left with the classical definiton of gay, which means happy or in high spirits. I proposed this use be dropped, as it has many suitable synonyms. Almost no one under the age of fifty uses the word in such a way, and those who do are pretensious sycophants.

Reiterated, vanilla is for perceived low quality, strawberry is for the immasculine, and chocolate describes homosexual acts or traits. Use them singularly or in a cluster. The next time you want to call someone or something gay, be specific, and remember the Neopolitan of Gay.